Mark Slavonia (MJS) is an investor, a pilot, and an avid cyclist. He’s written plenty of WITIs, including appreciations of rowing machines and dangerous toys. He posts other things that are interesting on his website.
Mark here. On Saturday morning I took my octogenarian parents into the city in a rented Nissan Altima, just to park the car as quickly as possible.
Why is this interesting?
For six years, the Parallel Parking Championship in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania has (for some of us) been motorsport’s crown jewel, a thrilling contest pitting man and machine against time and a 20 foot parking space. The event was first organized by a young couple named Dan and Jenna, just to settle a long-standing family debate about who was the best parallel parker. It has since grown into a raucous street party, a participatory art form, a gift to motorists, and a communal act of joy.
Here is the excellent Instagram account, which captures the spirit of the event. Here is the rules and results sheet. These two simple web pages appear to be all of the public communications that Dan and Jenna need to keep it going.
The rules and scoring are so simple that they can be contained in their entirety across the two images below. Each driver begins from their preferred position and the timer starts when the referee sees the reverse lights of the car. The driver parks, then shouts “Done” out the window, stopping the clock. Hitting the curb or either adjacent car results in disqualification. Your final score is your time, multiplied by your distance to the curb. Ignore the units for now, and think about the implications. If one can get twice as close by taking twice as much time, that’s a decent tradeoff. There’s a small bonus for bigger vehicles, but it seemed insufficient; most good scores came from smaller cars. Our 16’ rental car was, comparatively, a boat.
It’s hard to describe just how well run the Parallel Parking Championship is.. No pre-registration is needed. Results are immediately available. The entire process, from rolling up to the venue through to completing the run and getting a commemorative card with your score, takes about ten minutes. Why is this free event better run than any airline check-in counter, DMV, or preschool drop-off in the world? I spoke with Dan and Jenna a little after the event, and they told me they’ve tweaked the process a bit over the years. The current system works marvelously.
The streets remain open to the (very light) local traffic, and are well-patrolled by marshals. Volunteers are everywhere, and are extremely friendly: The rhythm of the event gives drivers a minute or two to chat with the volunteers at the preliminary check-in, car-measuring, and rules-explaining stations before they compete. The location is well-chosen for its gritty urban authenticity, with brick warehouses and freight trains rumbling overhead competing for attention with the event’s DJs.
And it’s free. No money changes hands. Competitive parallel parking is unsullied by big money and crude commercial interests. It’s all about the parking.
The participants were a spirited bunch of parking enthusiasts. Most exhibited nerves due to the one-and-done nature of the contest, but also held justifiable pride in their parking prowess. The level of skill on display was remarkable. Men and women participated in almost equal numbers. Hundreds of people tried their luck and tested their skills.
We saw a guy park with his 4-year-old in the car seat behind him. We saw a guy accompanied by his dog riding shotgun. We saw a woman deftly slide a manual transmission Mazda 3 to a top-ten finish while her husband looked on admiringly from the passenger seat. We saw a glorious maroon Volvo 240 from the 1980s. Some drivers seemed to go for speed, boldly reversing and stopping in less than ten seconds. Some slowly hunted for the perfect line and flirted with disqualification while seeking the closest possible finish.
Here is a time lapse of some of the action. Remember that these drivers are under considerable pressure and are trying to do this quickly, for a score, in front of a crowd.
I acquitted myself credibly but with no special distinction, executing a perfectly fine but slow parking job in our long, cumbersome rental car. You can watch my effort here. When I finished, I stood in 17th place out of 41 drivers at that time. By the end of the day my result was mid-pack. How I wish I’d been behind the wheel of my tiny 2001 Volkswagen Golf.
One might be tempted to ask: Is this a joke? And the answer is: Of course. Kind of. But why does that matter? Isn’t everything a joke? Can’t we exercise our sacred power to decide what to take seriously and what to ignore? I love that despite the silliness of it all, Dan and Jenna work hard to make the event run smoothly, and to conduct a fair contest with solid rules and legitimate results.
The Pittsburgh Parallel Parking Championship is a delight. (MS)
I love everything about this - from the actual useful skill to the commercial, purely community, joyous fun feel!! Thank you for sharing this!!!
It’s a Burgh thing!