This is great, thanks! I've noticed lately the surprising spike in the quality of my day from a few short, harmonious interactions with strangers - like giving or getting directions, giving or receiving a compliment on clothes in passing, and holding doors for people, etc.. It also seems to be a higher spike on the positive side than the negative feelings from someone cutting me off or similar. Though that may be due to years of work on not letting that stuff ruin my day!
People are starved for that kind of kindness, right? And I agree: there's something about a positive interaction with a stranger that is really powerful. I've been surprised at how long I remember some of them too. Even if they were fleeting, in line at Target or whatever, they linger with me.
Agree, Kate! In an earlier draft, I leaned into how it's easier when it's part of a job (receptionist) and what if we made talking to strangers a JTBD in itself .... but it was too big of an idea for a short piece. I've been ruminating on it ever since though.
Yes, as a receptionist for instance, both you and the stranger you are speaking to recognise that you have 'permission' to talk to them, which makes it easier. I would love to read your longer article.
Every single peer-reviewed academic paper about happiness that I have seeds ranks "relationships" as the biggest factor that contributes to happiness. Of course each individual varies, but relationships is the most common #1. If relationships were broken down by type and engagement, surface level interactions like this would contribute quite a bit I'm sure. Based on this, I decided to embrace these transient interactions as opposed to a replacement for deeper relationships. Thanks for posting!
Wow, thank you for this! Such a clear articulation of the fondness with which I too look back on past jobs (retail, food service) that I held in my younger years. The “frisson of happiness […] the tingly sensation”. You name it so well, I can almost feel it just reading those words! Naming the sensation and identifying the cause really does help you both appreciate and seek it more. Great read, thank you.
Totally! Unrelated to this, or as a prequel, a few years ago I decided to make intentional eye contact with stores clerks. (Why hadn't I done this before?! Somehow I'd learned not to.) But it makes the whole experience more human.
Robert Putnam talks a lot about thick trust connections - friends, family, coworkers - and thin trust - people in your community you see but don’t really know, the owners of the bodega, the pizza place, the local coffee stand and how it’s the thin trust connections that are more important than thick trust. Your piece reminded me of something I wrote last year inspired by this work. https://open.substack.com/pub/kathekon/p/thin-trust-piazza?r=7j6pb&utm_medium=ios
Thanks for what you do, Weston, and for sharing. I'm amazed by how close to the surface some of our stories are...I bet you hear about incredible lives. I would say, in the work I'm doing, I listen more than talk, too. But there's so much learning (and unlearning) through that. I feel fortunate.
This is great, thanks! I've noticed lately the surprising spike in the quality of my day from a few short, harmonious interactions with strangers - like giving or getting directions, giving or receiving a compliment on clothes in passing, and holding doors for people, etc.. It also seems to be a higher spike on the positive side than the negative feelings from someone cutting me off or similar. Though that may be due to years of work on not letting that stuff ruin my day!
People are starved for that kind of kindness, right? And I agree: there's something about a positive interaction with a stranger that is really powerful. I've been surprised at how long I remember some of them too. Even if they were fleeting, in line at Target or whatever, they linger with me.
Interesting article. Though it does take some courage to talk to strangers.
Agree, Kate! In an earlier draft, I leaned into how it's easier when it's part of a job (receptionist) and what if we made talking to strangers a JTBD in itself .... but it was too big of an idea for a short piece. I've been ruminating on it ever since though.
Yes, as a receptionist for instance, both you and the stranger you are speaking to recognise that you have 'permission' to talk to them, which makes it easier. I would love to read your longer article.
I think it was all ephemeral, within the confines of the edits. That said, I have some ideas about all of this if you would ever want to chat....
Great idea to chat - but I am about to move house and my headspace is full, so sadly not just now.
How exciting! Open invitation anytime. :)
Every single peer-reviewed academic paper about happiness that I have seeds ranks "relationships" as the biggest factor that contributes to happiness. Of course each individual varies, but relationships is the most common #1. If relationships were broken down by type and engagement, surface level interactions like this would contribute quite a bit I'm sure. Based on this, I decided to embrace these transient interactions as opposed to a replacement for deeper relationships. Thanks for posting!
Wow, thank you for this! Such a clear articulation of the fondness with which I too look back on past jobs (retail, food service) that I held in my younger years. The “frisson of happiness […] the tingly sensation”. You name it so well, I can almost feel it just reading those words! Naming the sensation and identifying the cause really does help you both appreciate and seek it more. Great read, thank you.
Really enjoyed this, thank you!
And maybe it helps explain why I've always been overly talkative with grocery store clerks.
Totally! Unrelated to this, or as a prequel, a few years ago I decided to make intentional eye contact with stores clerks. (Why hadn't I done this before?! Somehow I'd learned not to.) But it makes the whole experience more human.
Robert Putnam talks a lot about thick trust connections - friends, family, coworkers - and thin trust - people in your community you see but don’t really know, the owners of the bodega, the pizza place, the local coffee stand and how it’s the thin trust connections that are more important than thick trust. Your piece reminded me of something I wrote last year inspired by this work. https://open.substack.com/pub/kathekon/p/thin-trust-piazza?r=7j6pb&utm_medium=ios
Thanks for sharing, Jeremy! Loved your phonetic spelling of "apizza": really great.
Thanks, Steph!
Thanks for what you do, Weston, and for sharing. I'm amazed by how close to the surface some of our stories are...I bet you hear about incredible lives. I would say, in the work I'm doing, I listen more than talk, too. But there's so much learning (and unlearning) through that. I feel fortunate.